I struggled with writing this but it’s something I want to get off my chest. I have written about it in a small capacity in other posts but I think it’s time to dedicate a whole post on the subject.
I want to share a story about what someone said that happened at church of all places. I’m going to call this person Squidward. Squidward was on stage talking about the bravery of a man in our congregation because of he has a daughter with a disability. The way he described this girl was so inappropriate and disgusting. He repeatedly said she was all twisted up and looked like a monster. He actually said the word monster more than once. It was so hard for me to even type that sentence. Squidward felt good about himself for bragging about the bravery of this man. so he’s brave for loving and caring for his daughter? I get that some people are horrible and leave when they have disabled child. But why praise and call someone brave for doing what any father should. It’s like someone calling me brave for taking care of my brother. I don’t get it. He would not have called him brave if it were a typical family.
Let’s go back to him calling this girl a monster. WHAT?!? How did he think that was okay? First of all, she is not all twisted up and deformed. She does have motor skills complications among other things but his description was wrong. But this a common thing for Hispanic people in my experience. Not all Hispanics or just not everyone in general knows how to speak about disability. The number of times I have heard the word deformed when it shouldn’t used is ridiculous. When a family member, we’ll call Mike Wazowski, of mines came to visit from the motherland (El Salvador) a couple of years ago, Mike Wazowski, took one look at Joel and said. “God is good, he is not as deformed as before.” When was he ever deformed!?! Mike Wazowski! When?!? Because I never knew he had deformities…
(I do not mean this as an insult to anyone who does have deformities, it’s very common. I just mean that if someone doesn’t have a deformity, then why say that they do?) If you do not understand the disability that someone has, I think most would prefer you ask rather than just assume and say something completely wrong.
I know I’ve mentioned instances where family members refer to Joel as “pobrecito” meaning poor thing. I hate that. I shared about when I finally told my aunt and mom not to refer to people as pobrecito and they just made fun of me for saying that not to mention how rude of me it was to correct them. A situation recently occurred where my mom used that word when we were driving and saw a someone trip. We both laughed because who doesn’t like a good random fall. Well she called the guy pobrecito then said, ” yeah yeah, I know don’t say that.” I had to explain to her again that I just meant that I didn’t like her calling people with disabilities poor thing just because they have a disability. She then acted like this was the biggest revelation of her life and said that I should have been explained that to her. Okay mom. Okay.
Just like in any culture, not everyone is the same. There are many hispanics (and people in general) that are amazing with Joel and I appreciate y’all!
Also, I feel like I need to add that my mom is great with Joel and loves him dearly. She cares for him with a lot of patience and attentiveness. There’s just things that she says/does because of the way she grew up that I don’t agree with. And I’m sure she doesn’t agree with everything I say and do. Oh well!