I’m Sorry

This picture was taken in Leakey, Texas this past Thanksgiving. Joel struggled so hard to get up there and I think I’ve mentioned this before but he really has some balance issues. We all had to push him up because he was determined to get there. I love my boy! Any who….

Some times, people think the appropriate response when I tell them my brother has down syndrome is, “Oh, I’m sorry.”

Why?

I remember one of the first times that happened to me and I responded in a civil way and said that it was completely okay, there’s nothing to be sorry about. And this person said, “No, no. We don’t need to talk about it.”  Alright… Whatever man.

So let me tell you about my boyfriend, Huy. He met Joel right away back when we were in high school and we did a lot of volunteering with Key Club. I would always bring my brother along to events and everyone knew him. So Huy knew when we started dating that Joel had Down syndrome and he never really talked about it, but he always played with him and treated him great. So when he told his sister about us and about Joel, they were very sympathetic about Joel. Because ya know.. apparently it is a very sad thing to have a family member with Down syndrome. They asked him how long Joel has to live. Huy did not tell me about this conversation until months later. He was scared to bring it up or something because he did not realize that people with Down syndrome have a lower life expectancy. (They don’t anymore, he just thought that because what his sisters said) I can’t remember how he finally told me about the conversation but by that time he was not as ignorant about Down syndrome anymore and he told me the story as in a, “can you believe it” kinda way. I think I got a little offended at first but I can’t be mad that they didn’t know. But it was also funny to me because I knew he knew better at the time he told me. I’m glad he is not ignorant about it anymore, his relationship with Joel makes me one happy camper.

DISCLAIMER: His family is great and they have never said anything rude or inappropriate about Joel. They are loving and so nice to us. Often times I’m very jealous that I don’t see them as much. Y’all have no idea how much I like his family. So just know I’m not trying to make them look bad, I’m just sharing my life as always. 

My most recent encounter with the response of I’m sorry was at a restaurant. At the table was my sister, me, Joel, and our friend. So we all look ethnic and different from each other so the hostess for some reason wanted to guess all of our ethnicities. (in her defense, she was also Hispanic, and Hispanics always try to guess what country everyone is from.) Weird from the start. When she got to Joel she said, “Umm, I don’t know, you’re confusing. Maybe Asian.” All I said was, “No he has Down syndrome.” She got very awkward and said she so sorry and she did not come back to our table I believe, if she did I probably would have ignored her honestly. I remember being really mad about the hostess. I was really negative about it and rude. Which is probably not the best way to handle a situation like like. It was just weird thing for her to do in the first place.

People with Down syndrome aren’t sick and they do not have diseases. They can most definitely without life their parents nowadays. In past things were different and their life expectancy was in the 30’s I believe but most people believe it is because for the most part they were put in institutions and weren’t cared for as much, therefore prone to more sicknesses and what not. Luckily this is no longer the case. Although there are exceptions, like those who have other ailments along with Down syndrome. But Down syndrome alone is not a cause of death. DS Facts

A lot of people aren’t exposed to disabilities and therefore do not know how to react or what to say. I get it. It’s okay, we can use these types of situations as a learning experience. I guess some people are sorry because they think caring for someone with a disability is hard. Which sometimes it is. But I’m not sorry about my life, Joel isn’t sorry about his life and I know lots of families who aren’t sorry about their lives.

 

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