This will obviously be a more religious post. and For reference when you are reading we are nondenominational Christians who lean more on the on the Pentecostal side sort of.
This question always gets me thinking. I honestly don’t know if he knows. I’ve asked him a million times and sometimes he says yeah and other times he doesn’t answer. I know he enjoys worship at church, although there are times when he just sits and fidgets with anything. There have been times where we’ve found him dancing alone in the bathroom to worship music but then again he also does the same to any pop song he likes. So the question is he worshipping or does he just like to dance to music? Probably both… Idk
Okay, I don’t know what Santa Cena is in English. Eucharist? Last Supper? Communion? I looked it up but I got confused. Idk but ya the thing you do at church when you when you eat the bread and drink wine. Well, my dad always gets Joel his share of the goods (bread and wine) but one time, one of our pastors (we’ll call Papa Bear) gave us a whole list of people who shouldn’t take it. He said children and people who have not been born again/ baptized and people who are not aware of what they are doing. Well, Joel hasn’t been baptized so my dad felt like he shouldn’t give him some. Joel noticed and got mad that he didn’t get to participate My mom and I talked to Papa bear’s wife and she disagreed with her husband and said Joel is a special case and he should get to participate but that he should get baptized soon if he understands what he is doing. She said since I know him best I should talk to him about Jesus and see if he understands baptism.
Well, that’s a lot of pressure! I don’t know if I will be able to do that. I feel like a lot of time he just nods or smiles at me when he doesn’t know what I’m saying.
On the contrary, our main pastor was much more chill and never has been opposed to having Joel participate. But this is something I do want to clear up with them eventually. Becuase otherwise it feels like we are treating Joel as a perpetual child and I don’t like that. We just can’t tell what he knows and what he understands. I know he gets a lot of stuff but when it comes to this I can’t tell at all.
My dad still lets Joel participate but I think we should be trying to get Joel baptized at some point. I might be overthinking all of this. Actually yes I am. Papa Bear really got me questioning everything.
My dad and I are pretty sure Joel had an encounter with Jesus a few weeks ago. Although some people do not think so.
So…. we were at a special worship/prayer meeting on a Friday with our sister church. Joel was standing and drumming along to songs with his hands on the seat as he usually does. Out of nowhere, he started crying. He was crying like he hasn’t cried in a while. There were legit tears streaming down and he was sniffling. This went on for almost the rest of the service. There was no explanation for it, it just happened out of nowhere. Everyone asked us what happened and why he was so sad. Did he get hurt? Did someone tell him something? Nope! nothing visible happened. Joel couldn’t tell me why he was crying but I choose to believe it was Jesus.
so I guess this is the confirmation I was looking for?
I choose to believe that God loves Joel anyhow and it might not matter whether he’s baptized or not.
I recently got some books on teaching people with intellectual disabilities about Jesus and what not so hopefully I’ll learn something. I know some churches have special programs I just don’t know any churches from my religion does this. We have taken Joel to special services at an Episcopalian church because they do a very cool summer camp. I have thought about starting a group for Joel and people like him but it’s a lot of work and I don’t feel ready. Maybe one day…
Does anyone have suggestions?
See that beautiful face in the picture? See how adorable he is? Keep that in mind when reading this post!
Living and caring for Joel means that sometimes, you will have to put up with his crap. I mean literally. Literal crap… poo-poo.
He used to have way more frequent accidents when was younger, and naturally, as he got older, he got better. I’ve mentioned in previous posts, about how it took so long to potty train him and how my mom had to go to the school a lot to change him or pick him after an accident.
Thankfully, the last time he had an accident in school I believe he was in 6th grade. I remember going with my mom to pick him up from school that day and he looked so sad and alone in the office. My poor little one. Knowing what I know, I would’ve argued about the para or nurse not cleaning him up. You’d think that if they go into this field they’d know or at least be kind enough to clean up our loved ones up after accidents but… NO!
The point I want to get, however, is the messes Joel leaves at home. Although I would say that, technically, he hasn’t had a real accident in years, he has had messes. My definition of accident is him pooping in his pants nowhere near the toilet. I don’t count it as an accident if he’s trying to get tot he toilet. To me, the terminology is important because I want him to know he’s doing a great job and not to focus on accidents. He truly does get very disappointed in himself and cries. And if I get mad at him for his “almost making its” and/or his accidents, it makes it worse. He’ll not only cry but get angry and throw things or hit.
If you are easily grossed out, stop reading here! I’m serious, it gets gross!
One night about 2 years ago I woke up to Joel silently calling me from the bathroom. Who knows how long he had been calling me, but when I finally got there was a trail of poop on the carpet from his room leading to the bathroom. When I got in the bathroom He was desperately trying to clean up the mess he had left and trying to clean himself in the shower. He was obviously sick and didn’t make it to the toilet. Unfortunately, he made it everywhere else. There was poop all over the toilet bowl dripping unto the floor, poop on the shower curtain, bathroom rugs, towels, and the bathtub. It was such a horrific crime scene. I did get mad at first and yelled and even threatened to go get the parents instead. But after seeing him cry and his efforts to clean it up, I felt bad and woke my sister up to help me clean everything and bathe him. After getting the bathroom and Joel settle I cleaned the trail he left behind and checked his room and bed for more poop. Sure enough, there was more cleaning to do.
This was definitely the worst it has ever been.
Usually, he may have a mess like once or twice a month that is nothing like the one I just mentioned. That was just horrific. Usually its a few drops of poop on the bathroom floor or on unusual spots on the toilet. Occasionally he’ll leave a trail from his bed to the bathroom but that’s rare. It’s all still really gross. We still have to check his booty after he uses it because he doesn’t always do a good job of cleaning himself. It’s gotten harder to help him because he wants to be independent and doesn’t want to let us in the bathroom. Which is completely understandable but I’d rather check him and clean him if needed than for him to get a rash or boils and be stinky.
It’s a struggle, but anything for my boy. Sorry, this was a gross post!! We’re here to share the good, the inspiring, and the crappy of life with down syndrome. Hopefully, at some point, we’ll reach full dependency in the bathroom. Until then, we’ll it take it as it goes.
First off… HAPPY 4th of JULY!!
Joel has had quite a busy summer. Starting with his graduation, prom, parties… Joel has been having a great time. Earlier last month he went on his annual trip to Lion’s Camp! Sadly I do not have pictures of his trip because he goes off on his own. We used to pack him a disposable camera but all the pictures would come out bad or the camera wouldn’t even be used. Its a whole week of fun and no parents, Joel always comes back so happy. When I ask him what he did, all he tells me is a list of the food he’s eaten. He’s like; “uh chicken, pizza, uh hot dogs.” As soon as comes home, he unpacks and shows all his goodies and crafts. The week is so fun for him but we miss him terribly at home.
After this trip, he had one day to rest and then we were off to our first family trip to the motherland (El Salvador) in 20 years. This was Joel’s first time out of the country. He gets excited and nervous flying and is too self-conscious to make noise. An example of this is that even though he has earphones on, he’ll the volume on his IPad really low and looks around a lot to make sure he is not bothering anyone. He packed his UNO cards and his memory card game but he didn’t want to play with anything. He barely even wanted to play with his IPad. He was more nervous than he has previously been on plane rides. But he was more himself after the food came.
Overall the trip was good but Joel had his moments. He constantly asked for my dad who did not go on the trip with us. He asked to call him a lot and got made very easily. Joel does this thing a lot where he sort of fitches and shakes his head and it almost looks uncontrollable or like he just does it out of instinct whenever he is uncomfortable and annoyed at something. Well on the trip he did it wayyyyy more often and waaayyyyyy more aggressively. A lot of the times when he did it, it was like he did i out of nowhere. Usually, when he does this at home, we can tell its because someone stared at him or someone did something he doesn’t like or whatever. But on the trip, it constantly happend out of the blue. Everyone’s theory is because he was hot and too many bugs. Well, we live in Louisiana where there are bugs all the time and it is so hot here too. Although almost no one has AC in El Salvador, which could have contributed to his annoyance, I think he just wanted to be home.
While on the trip Joel met our cousin, Jose, who also has down syndrome. My mom has been wanting these to meet forever and she finally got her to wish. Jose is 27 and so funny. Well, Joel is too. They both have very limited communication and are super adorable. Although I think Jose is nicer, who knows how he’d act if I actually led with him. haha… Everyone thinks Joel is nice but when you live with him or spend a lot of time with him you’ll see his mean and aggressive side.
Overall it was a great trip and Joel had fun. Let’s see what the rest of his summer holds.
We are constantly told that our loved ones with disabilities need to have self-determination and self-advocacy skills. But what does that really mean?
Self-determination and self–advocacy are skills that go hand in hand but at times the line of distinction can get blurry. Both share a similar interest: independence!
Self-advocacy is an important skill that your loved one with a disability can obtain.
Without it, they can often be overlooked, used, or even abused. But what is it? Self-advocacy is the ability to speak up for yourself, knowing your rights, wants and needs, identifying your personal goals and the steps to get there, and being able to communicate them. Not everyone can accomplish all of what is listed but ideally, they can self-advocate in some kind of compacity.
In Joel’s case, his self-advocacy mostly consists of identifying wants and needs. He faces barriers with speaking up for himself becuase not everyone can understand him and he hasn’t learned about rights and all that. I’m not saying he never will, but he just hasn’t gotten there yet. It’s a process and we will continue to teach him and work with him. For as long as he needs us, Joel will always have someone to help him be a self-advocate. And for when he can’t, we’ll always be there to advocate for him.
Here are a few things that I have learned about successful advocacy:
Whatever cause you’re most passionate about, let your voice be heard. You’re not only making a difference for yourself, but also those around you.
“Be bold enough to use your voice,
Brave enough to listen to your heart,
and strong enough to live the life
you’ve always imagined!”
Self-determination is the process by which a person can control their own life. It’s a little different than self-advocacy. This would include being able to go to the doctor on their own, going grocery shopping, or living independently. This skill is equally important as self-advocacy. For some, this is easier than self-advocacy but for others like Joel, this one is more difficult. The both are attainable, but it takes time and patience.
Developing these skills helps lead individuals with disabilities onto the road of independence. It is our duty to help them develop these skills in any way possible. We can do this by encouraging them to do their own grocery list or by letting them speak at their own appointments. Another great way to practice this would be through role play at home. It can be a slow process but it is worth it in order to have our loved ones
meet their full potential.
For Joel, we let him do grocery lists sometimes but what he really likes is to take control of the shopping cart and deciding what goes in and what requires us to beg him to let us put in the cart! We also let him pay for his own things at times, which can be difficult but he doesn’t really understand the value of money but we are working on it. We try to let him communicate his pain or what have you at doctor appointments but he typically just stares at the floor and stays silent. It is a very slow process but were are ready to teach him and help him for as long as he needs it.
There are many agencies that should be available to you in your community that are supposed to help your loved one with a disability achieve this. Check our resources page to find some. I know each state has at least one parent training center that should help you locate these services closest to you. You may be looking for human services districts, office for citizens with disabilities, rehabilitation services and more.
I hope you find this helpful!
For tips and information on Self-Advocacy visit:
For tips and information on Self-Determination visit:
If you follow us on social media, then you probably know Joel attended his first regular high school prom and he attended his graduation! Woo-hoo!
Joel is an amazing dancer and loves going to shindings, but we have never let him venture out on his own. He’s gone to special needs proms and dances but my sister and I have always gone with him. I know… I know… special needs proms? What about inclusiveness?!?! Look, I’m all for inclusion, I really am but I’m also for Joel having a good time. Joel loves going to special needs proms and I won’t stop him from going for the sake of inclusion. With that said, he technically wasn’t on his own because his teacher accompanied him with a few of his classmates but nonetheless, he was free to do what he wanted. Which can be scary. What if does something inappropriate? What if someone does something inappropriate to him? What is he gets lost? What if the other kids are mean?
But it turned out great. Our family gets nervous about letting go off on his own especially because he’s considered non-verbal so he can’t tell us if something happened. He’s also very friendly and can easily be persuaded do something he shouldn’t. He does things on his own here and there and finally, Joel got to experience his first real prom. He even made our local news:
Joel is 18 and this was his senior year, but he can and will go back to high school for at most another four years. WHAT?!?! How??! Let me explain; so Joel is not on a diploma track. This means when he walked across stage he got what is called is a certificate of attendance. He can stay until he’s 22. Some people ask why, why doesn’t he just leave after his actual senior year like everyone else. Well, because simply put, we don’t have the money to provide him with the services and resources he is entitled to while still in the public school setting. There are some vocational programs we’d like to get him into as well but it’s expensive.
As I’ve mentioned before, Joel is on a waiting list for a waiver that would be able to provide those services to him but the waiting list is about 14 years long. Although Louisiana has changed it to need-based, one still needs a score of a 4 or 3 to get services now otherwise your back on the waiting list. Joel was given a score of 1. 4 = critical, 1= planning (he doesn’t need anything right now apparently – *insert eye roll here*.) This is a whole nother story; I’ll get into this in more detail in another post. (Side note: this is why we have our shop)
So did Joel really graduate? I guess not, but he walked across the stage and loved it. We decided to let him walk across the stage this year because this would be his exiting year if he were a typical student. Ya know, why not complete the senior year experience for him now with the schoolmates he’s been with forever.
You can tell he was a little nervous before the ceremony but look at his sweet smile afterward.
Joel has always wanted a waterslide for his birthday, but his birthday is too cold. So after his graduation, we decided to throw him a water slide party.
We visited Morgan’s Wonderland two weekends ago. In case you don’t, Morgan’s Wonderland is the only fully inclusive theme park in the world. Sadly, their water park was closed still… huge bummer.
I was very impressed with all of the wheelchair accessible swings and rides. But in my opinion, I think they need more rides , but then again who I am I to make such a suggestion.
Joel had a great time. He loved the swings with the back support cus lord knows this has no balance. I think his favorite was the Ferris Wheel but he also really liked the jeep ride and the sensory village. He was a happy camper.
My favorite part of the whole experience was seeing people of ALL ABILITIES employed here. People with limited mobility, down syndrome, and more. I was in awe, my little heart couldn’t all the inclusiveness. We live in a world the is exclusive and most people don’t even notice. Most people who do not know and love someone with a disability, don’t notice the world isn’t built for them. People don’t regularly give them job opportunities, there are so many place that are wheelchair accessible, and the list goes on. I’m so glad that a place like Morgan’s Wonderland exists.
This video is a tiny little piece of their play, “As You Like It”. The play was made up of people with and without disabilities. INCLUSION like I’ve never seen. It was so beautiful <3
If you find yourself in the San Antonio area, go find this place. You won’t regret it!
Ethan Saylor. He was a 26 year-old who had down syndrome. He died five years ago while in police custody. I know I’ve written about it before but I wanted to revisit Ethan’s case.
Ethan loved the movie Zero Dark Thirty. He loved it so much that while his caretaker when to get the car after they watched it, he snuck back in without paying. The manager of the theater called the police on him. They did not know how to handle a situation with a person with an intellectual disability. They killed him and no one can convince me otherwise.
Ethan loved law enforcement to the point he would call 911 for simple questions. His mother even sent them cookies as a thank you for all of the unnecessary trips they made to her house because of Ethan. How did he end up dead at the hands of police officers?
They were warned:
by his caretaker of how he would react if touched. All they had to do is wait, inform the mom, and I don’t know… not kill him. They did not listen. They simply did not have the training or knowledge to deal with someone with an intellectual disabilities. Its like they had never encountered someone with down syndrome. Yes, he kicked and cursed but he did not understand what was happening!
I think that sometimes people like me that is surrounded by people with disabilities all the time, we forget there is a whole world out there isn’t. The majority of people do not interact with people with disabilities at all and do not even recognize it when they see it. So scary.
They were not in uniform:
He did not recognize them as law enforcement because they were not in uniform. How many times do we sit there and warn our loved ones with disabilities not to trust strangers. Ethan, in his eyes was literally approached by strangers trying to convince him to leave with them.
I don’t know about y’all but that is literally what I am always telling Joel. Do not follow strangers, don’t do what they tell you too, ya know so on and so on. Joel also recognizes police in uniform. He loves them and always daps them off and greets them. I honestly do not think he would recognize people out of uniform as police even if they tell him they are. Joel is usually very obedient to strangers and I do not if that’s good or bad anymore.
Anyway I bring up Ethan’s story again because after five years, they have finally reached a settlement of $1.9 million. The officers were cleared of any wrongdoing. The jury determined that no charges were warranted. As part of the settlement, the state and police deny any liability.
“There’s a cliche that you can’t assign a dollar amount to a human being’s life, but that is our system, that’s the only remedy we have for justice in our system,” Saylor’s mother, Patti Saylor, said Tuesday. “We’re not comforted by the money as much as knowing we gave our son everything we could, that we stood up for him until we exhausted all avenues for standing up for him. Because his life mattered. What happened to him should not have happened.”
I am disgusted. Not by the parents, they did all they could. I am disgusted by the system, by the jury, by the deputies, and by some of the ugliest comments I’ve seen. His parents are heroes. They fought for him until they couldn’t fight anymore. As a result, Maryland (the state this happened) has changed the way they train law enforcement and now teaches how best to interact with people with intellectual disabilities. There is also now a program that was created in Ethan’s memory that teaches people with intellectual disabilities to educate law enforcement during their training. This is what saving down syndrome looks like.
Patti Saylor said after four years of fighting for her son in court, the settlement comes with “mixed emotions.” But, she said, she and Ethan’s father, Ron, agreed the time was right for them to accept it and“focus on healing.”
“It’s been four years of gut-wrenching reports and judges’ opinions and depositions and defending my son’s right to be seen as human, to be seen as valuable,” she said. “I’m relieved that it’s over. I’m tired. But I really feel like as a mom, I did what I needed to do to do right by my son and see this to the very end.”
I hate this story and so many others. But it serves as a reminder of why down syndrome (and basically every other disability) needs to be saved. The world isn’t always a safe place for our loved ones. We need to remember that and do our part. Read Police Brutality and Down Syndrome, a post I wrote a few months ago that speaks more on this.
Here is the article where most of this information was taken from:
I’m not sure how familiar everyone is on sheltered workshops. Simply put, sheltered workshops are a supervised workplace for adults with intellectual disabilities, where the are trained and employed separately from everyone else. People who work in sheltered workshops are typically paid well below minimum wage.
The disability community seemed to be divided on whether sheltered workshops should all close down and then there are those who believe in sheltered workshops and would hate to see them closed down. I am not 100% sure where I stand. Here’s why:
According to some people, if sheltered workshops close down, many people with disabilities will have no where to go. They may end up up at home or in a some kind of day program. (Which isn’t necessarily bad) Daphne Pickert, who runs a disability service provider in New York, says that ending them removes an option for people who may never be ready for an outside job. She went on to say, “For some people, because of their actual diagnosis and disability, they need the support of the workshop,” she says, “And they literally cannot perform in a competitive setting.”
So I get that it gives them something to do. They have a place to go and I’m sure there are good number of them enjoy what they do at the sheltered workshop. But are they being exploited? A lot of people think so and are fighting to close down all sheltered workshops. Many states have been moving towards shutting them down. There are fewer and fewer sheltered workshops around. So where do these people go once their sheltered workshop closes down? The idea is that they’ll go through a supported employment program and eventually get a competitive employment. As mentioned before, what about those who may never be ready for employment?
If you haven’t seen this documentary called Bottom Dollars, please watch it. Here’s an excerpt from their website:
“How would you like to work for two weeks, and come out with a $6 check?” That’s the reality for almost 250,000 Americans with disabilities who are paid below the minimum wage. This film exposes this exploitative system and offers solutions to end segregation and discrimination against workers with disabilities.
Bottom Dollars exposes the exploitation of nearly 250,000 people with disabilities in the U.S. that are legally being paid less than the minimum wage, on average, less than $2 an hour. The documentary calls for the phase out of this unfair practice of sub-minimum wages and sheltered workshops, and offers solutions for fair wages and inclusive employment.
“Investigations by the National Disability Rights Network have found that hundreds of thousands of people with disabilities are being segregated and financially exploited in the workplace due to unfair and antiquated labor laws,” said NDRN Executive Director Curt Decker. “In this important documentary, we hear in their own words how this outdated practice harms workers with disabilities and keeps them from reaching their full potential. Their stories are a reminder that we must continue working to end segregated work and the sub-minimum wage.”
“Now is the time to end this antiquated and downright insulting exception to minimum wage laws,” said David Carlson, Executive Producer of Bottom Dollars and Director of Legal Advocacy at Disability Rights Washington. “The exception was written in a bygone era, long before children with disabilities were allowed to go to school to get an education and marketable skills, long before state and federal anti-discrimination laws protected employees with disabilities from discrimination, and long before multiple state and federal programs were created to support people with disabilities secure and keep meaningful employment. Nothing short of fully repealing this exception is acceptable and I hope this film helps people see how flawed the assumptions underlying this exception are.”
The goal of Bottom Dollars is to empower advocates and policymakers to provide workers with disabilities the basic protection of a minimum wage.
The documentary features personal stories and expert interviews from around the country. Expert appearances include the National Disability Rights Network’s Senior Disability Advocacy Specialist Cheryl Bates-Harris, National Federation of the Blind President Mark Riccobono and Director of Advocacy of the Center for Disability Rights Stephanie Woodward, among others.
“Working in an integrated setting opens up people minds about people with disabilities and what they can do,” said Le’Ron Jackson who used to work in a sheltered workshop, “For me, it has been life changing because I feel like I’m a part of society and the working American public versus when I was in the workshop, I felt like a nobody.”
http://www.rootedinrights.org/videos/employment/bottom-dollars/ You can learn more about the film using this link. Pictured above are some of the people who the film follows.
Let’s talk about Goodwill for a bit.
A Goodwill CEO who is blind makes a 6 figure salary, yet he thinks its okay to pay other individuals with disabilities working at Goodwill as low as two cents an hour wage. Their average employee with a disability makes $2.00 an hour and some as low as 2 cents an hour. Depending on what state you’re located. How is this possible if there is a minimum wage law? It’s due to a 75-year-old legal loophole where companies/nonprofits can apply for a special wage certificate. This loophole makes it perfectly legal to exploited people with disabilities through sheltered workshops.
The following excerpt was taken from this article which you should read: http://www.ocalapost.com/goodwill-taking-advantage-disabled/
“If they really do pay the CEO of Goodwill three-quarters of a million dollars, they certainly can pay me more than they’re paying,” said Harold Leigland, who is legally blind and hangs clothes at a Goodwill for less than minimum wage.
“It’s a question of civil rights,” added his wife, Sheila, blind from birth, who quit her job at the same Goodwill store when her already low wage was cut further. “I feel like a second-class citizen. And I hate it.”
Section 14 (c) of the Fair Labor Standards Act, which was passed in 1938, allows employers to obtain special minimum wage certificates from the Department of Labor. The certificates give employers the right to pay disabled workers according to their abilities, with no bottom limit to the wage.
Most, but not all, special wage certificates are held by nonprofit organizations like Goodwill who then set up their own so-called “sheltered workshops” for disabled employees, where employees typically perform manual tasks like hanging clothes or separating clothes hangers.
Supposedly some Goodwills are working to change this and a few have but overall as a whole, goodwill has some work to do. all of this is the dark side of sheltered workshops. Through my work, I have met a lot of families that have put their loved ones with disabilities in sheltered workshops and they love it. They don’t mind the pay if any, as long as their loved one has a place to go and enjoys it. I don’t know. This is where I’m torn. Overall I think that sheltered workshop are negative because our loved ones deserve a fair pay and should have the chance to get a competitive job. For those that can’t get a competitive job, we need better day programs and options. Sooo… I guess I do know where I stand.
What would I want for Joel? Honestly my parents and I sort of hit a roadblock when we discuss this. My parents are extremely fearful for his safety since he is nonverbal. I want him to go through a vocational program and get supported employment. I think he’d do okay with a job a few hours a week and when he’s not at work maybe go to a day program. My parents are leaning more towards just a day program. I still have time a few years to convince them.
Although here in Louisiana, vocational rehab doesn’t start until the last two years of high school, at home we have started our own training. The sooner we start, the more practice we get in and Joel can be more prepared for his future. Most of you know we have been teaching Joel to make soaps, candles and more at home which we then sell at art markets in New Orleans. Joel has potential and I think that most people with disabilities do if given the chance. They deserve to live a meaningful as full participants in our society.
Crime and discrimination against people with disabilities is a growing problem. What
makes it worse is that many incidents do go unreported. Some people refer to this as
the silent epidemic because of the inability of most victims to verbalize, to know what
is happening, or to have the courage to defend themselves. Reportedly, most abuse occurs by the people they are supposed to trust (e.g., parents, family members, or other close caregivers). The abuse can range in severity and include:
Whatever it may be, individuals with disabilities should not be living in fear of people
who should be their protectors. It is important to listen to our loved ones with disabilities, even if we cannot fully understand what they are trying to tell us. There might be something happening to them when we are not around and we need to establish trust. We must be active listeners and take their concerns and comments seriously.
According to the CDC Disability and Heath, four out of ten adults with disabilities experience abuse, but it is twice as likely for children with disabilities. An alarming rate of 90% of all people with disabilities will experience some kind of sexual abuse in their lifetime. Also, 49% will experience at least ten incidents of abuse in their lifetime.
According to the Department of Justice, in a period of just three years, the crime rate against people with disabilities had doubled. It went from 12 victims per 1,000 people to 24 per 1,000. This was from the years 2009-2012.Some of the reasons that people with disabilities make easy targets for abusers are because often they are segregated from others, lack self-protection skills, lack community skills, and lack communication skills. These are some things you can work towards improving at home.
Having these skills can improve their lives and keep them from harm. It can also help them speak up and acknowledge when someone has done something to them. Another major reason they may not speak up against abuse is, they have been taught to be compliant, to follow instructions, and obey authority. But they are not being well
educated on their rights or they cannot tell the difference between who/what to obey
and who/what not to obey.
Sadly, most of these crimes go unreported! One of the major reasons individuals with disabilities do not speak up about their abuse is fear. They may fear the individual (s)
who harmed them and fear more abuse. They may also fear that no one will believe them. Other fears may be that they will be blamed or punished, and of losing their services, home, job, family, or friends.
According to disabilityrightsca.org, another reason why they go unreported is that they rely on others to report abuse or neglect for them. This can be because of their lack of communication skills or lack of knowledge on how to report it. For unknown and frustrating reasons, many times reporting and investigation of crimes against people with disabilities are delayed or sometimes even pushed aside. This may be because they do not have someone there advocating for them. Sadly, this means that only about 5% of all of the crimes committed against people with disabilities are prosecuted. For incidents that happen in programs or homes, they are often looked at as employee issues rather than actual crimes.
Here are some tips to use when someone with disabilities is trying to speak up about
Follow these links for more information:
I recently had an encounter with Joel’s principal that left me a little shocked. My mom and I were waiting in the office for Joel’s IEP and the principal saw us and started a conversation. She recognized us and started talking to us about Joel and his girlfriend, we’ll call Princess Peach. Princess Peach and Joel are such a funny couple. She shows more affection and constantly sends home notes, drawings, and gifts for Joel. For the longest Joel would deny their relationship and now most days he says yes when asked if Princess Peach is his girlfriend. They have known each other since elementary school but were separated in middle school only to reunite in high school. It was written in the stars!
Many times when other school staff see us they’ll comment to us about this relationship like how funny they are or cute they are. But no one said anything demeaning until our a little bump in to his principal. Here’s the conversation:
P: Y’all here for Joel huh?
Me: Yep, it’s his IEP meeting day.
P: Joel is something else! I see him all the time in the halls with his girlfriend. Y’all knew about Princess Peach right?
Me: Yeah, they are so funny, Joel gotta learn some manners though. He’ll only claim her on good days.
P: Yeah, I see them holding hands, he’ll have his arm around her. This was followed by a laugh and the following statement that ruined the conversation: Like they know what love is!
Me: Just like any other teenager right?
P: Yeah but you know because of who they are:
Me: *stares blankly*
P: Okay, awkward silence, backs away and shifts her glance, then she leaves.
What kind of statement is that? What does their disability have to do with their ability to love. I might agree teens in general may not know what love is but not really because I met my boyfriend 5 years ago in high school and we’ve been together ever since…
Like they know what love is…
Like they know what love is…
Like they know what love is…
Like they know what love is…
You can’t tell me that people with cognitive/intellectual/developmental disabilities do not know what love is. It may not look the same but they can certainly love. I found an article on this topic and here’s what stuck out the most to me:
“The capacity for people with developmental disabilities to live full, rich lives is often underestimated,” says The Arc San Francisco CEO Dr. Glenn Motola, “but love is found across the entire spectrum of the human experience and includes us all, people with disabilities and people without disabilities.” Read the whole story below:
I found a study on love and people with intellectual disabilities and I think that it is very interesting and worth your time.
“According to the findings of this study, the young adults with ID understand love very concretely. One of the most important findings was how positively they all perceived love and its importance in their lives. Love was considered important and valuable to themselves and to people in general as it was recognized as a crucial element of well-being.” I encourage you to at least read the results and summary of this study using the link below.
People have this misconception that people with disabilities do not love the same or even want the same kind of relationship that people without disabilities have. The truth is many of them want to have relationships and most never learn how to do in a healthy way which can lead to some serious problems. Don’t leave them out o the conversation about these topics.